


Nightmares

by Macx



Series: The Sentinel Arc [10]
Category: Transformers Generation One
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-04
Updated: 2011-06-04
Packaged: 2017-10-20 03:17:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/208188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macx/pseuds/Macx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the past comes back to haunt you...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmares

The hunt was on.   
It was dark and he had trouble seeing more than just the first few feet around him. His optics worked on the problem, trying to pierce the darkness by adjusting to it, but there was no great improvement. Everything was just a murky darkness with a few shapes.   
And then something scraped over the metal floor. He tensed, freezing in his steps, listening hard. The sound didn't return. Carefully he approached the door at the far end of the room. It was unlocked as he found out seconds later when he touched the control panel. The door slid open with a noiselessness that made him flinch. His weapon ready he entered the next room. This one was not as dark as the first one, but the twilight made it hard to see much.   
Another scraping, then a clicking noise could be heard and he whirled around, gun ready. No one was there, but he could have sworn that something had moved behind him.   
Damnit!   
And then there was a low rumble. He turned in a circle, trying to locate the source of the noise, but the room had a rather strange construction and the sound seemed to bounce off the walls everywhere. He cursed silently, walking slowly toward what looked like a stack of large, rusty crates. It was the most likely place for his opponent to hide. As he came closer he heard a snarl and a hiss. A grin spread over his face.   
Okay, my friend, get ready to confront me!   
He moved quickly around the last crate and -- there was no one there. What the ...? He had been so sure....   
And then something moved toward him. It bumped into his side and his weapon went flying as his arm was knocked to one side with a force that threatened to tear his skin. He tried to get out of the way of his attacker, who gave a growl of anticipation of the kill, but was caught by another blow, which left him half lying, half sitting on the floor. His attacker gave a hiss and then he was pushed back against the floor by the weight on his chest. Something sharp touched his throat.   
"Surrender!"   
He groaned and tried feebly to push away the weight on his chest. The dagger-like claws pushed harder against his neck and throat. Finally he sighed. "Yes," he ground out.   
A soft chuckle could be heard and he sighed. "I win," his attacker declared.   
"Yeah, right, okay. Now, will you get off me, please?"   
Amused blue eyes peered down on him. "Why?" was the sly question.   
"Sil!" Rodimus Prime protested.   
The female Dinobot smiled, perched on his chest, her knees firmly planted on the ground. She wasn't heavy, but pushing her off would still be hard work if she didn't want to budge. And there was the fact that her sharp claws were at his throat. Sil retracted the claws and then leaned forward, resting her elbows on his chest, her face one big smile.   
"What?" she said sweetly.   
Rodimus tried ineffectively to get up. "Would you mind?"   
"Yes."   
He groaned again. This was getting out of hand, though he couldn't say he had anything against it ..... He banished those thoughts. This training exercise had started out as normal as every training exercise Rodimus had ever taken part in. The only difference was that Sil and he were only participants. They wanted to test her stealth and attack abilities. Well, she had passed with flying colors......   
As he looked at her he felt those familiar feelings rise again. Sil was a female, which couldn't be denied, as well as very attractive, which also couldn't be denied. He wondered if this was a devious plan by Carly and First Aid, who had constructed her body. To top this, Silhouette was also a humanoid mind in a robot body. She had a very different approach to certain subjects. Like now. Rodimus liked her a lot and he found himself thinking about her more often than he wanted to confess, but he wasn't ready to deal with her directly -- yet.   
"Uh, we gotta go back to the others, y'know," he tried it again, glad he was unable to blush.   
"Is that all you have to say?" Sil sighed. "Finally the two of us are alone," she complained, "and all you think of is getting back to the others." She shook her head, her face reflecting something Rodimus couldn't identify, and rose gracefully.   
Rodimus stumbled to his feet. "Uh, wait, listen ...." He hurried after the Dinobot, feeling mightily stupid. "Sil, please!" But she was already out of the door. Rodimus stopped and felt like banging his head against the wall. "Great move, you idiot!" he muttered to himself. "Really great!"

* * *

Silhouette had shut down for the night, her circuits resting and recharging. Her mind was not awake, but she also wasn't sleeping. The first time she had recharged it had frightened her a bit to be in this between state, but now she used it to reflect on the day, analyze what she had learned, look at what had happened from a different point of view. Right now her mind was revolving around the training exercise, first analyzing her technique to overpower Rodimus -- she could have done better --, then the encounter afterwards. Leaving had been a bad decision, she now saw. She should have talked to him. Her reaction had been -- human.   
With a sigh she shut out the fighting sequence, pondering what to do. Roddy had been hurt by her behavior, her abrupt leave. She had felt it, had felt his eyes following her, had heard him call her name. But she had walked on, her own emotions too mixed, too confused on the subject. What was she expecting? They were not the same, at least inside. She was an Autobot now, true, but her mind told her different things than that of an Autobot. Maybe she should talk to another female, like Arcee. She needed to know what was happening to her. She needed to know what to expect!   
And suddenly she as no longer in her between state.   
She was back in the lab on Mernan, a gigantic, snarling face hovering above her. Greedy yellow eyes regarded her hungrily and she screamed in fear as the giant creature took her.   
The scenery changed and she faced another large form, smaller than the first creature, but still tall. It was a bipedal robot, chained to an examination table, badly wounded and hurting.   
Energy coursed through her, tearing her apart. She was flung through an endless tunnel, leaving a part of her behind; leaving her body, her only connection with life. She screamed again, trying to fight against the transfer, but she couldn't. She was thrown into a pool of blackness, blue lightning exploding around her.   
She brushed against something, something strange and alien, but also the only connection with reality. She tried to reach out for it, but it brushed past, hurtling away from her. Desperately she called, crying for help, feeling her life force dwindling.   
Panic gripped her in a tight fist.   
She screamed again, this time in terror.   
Silhouette was ripped out of her recharging sleep with a force that left her stunned and disoriented. Her mind was awhirl with images she had had only fleeting recollections of before. Her hands were shaking with the remembrance of the nightmare and she was unable to move, gripped by the sheer terror she had recalled from the time of her forced Interface with Optimus Prime.   
After some time the terror faded, leaving her a shaky individual who had had a nightmare. But this one had been really bad. She had dreamed of her Interface before, but only fleetingly, shortly. Never that intense!   
She got out of the bed that served as a recharging chamber and left the room. She needed some air, some space, some time alone where no one could find her.   
Since it was night on this part of Cybertron, which meant little since robots didn't go by the cycles of their planet, but more by when they needed recharging, it was dark enough for her to slip away unseen.

* * *

Somewhere else another robot was dreaming, but he wasn't in a recharging chamber. Optimus Prime looked out of the window of his office, watching the night sky with its many stars, its vast infinities. His mind was wandering through this infinity, but it always encountered one obstacle on every way he took.

He was floating in a region between light and darkness. Everything around him was a murky grey, now and then interrupted by a flash of wildly swirling colors. There was no pain, no sensation at all, except for being watched. He turned to see who was here with him, but he found he couldn't. He was unable to move, paralyzed. A tiny spark of panic ignited deep inside of him, bringing memories of distant events. He couldn't grab those memories and they brushed past without ever giving him a chance to keep them   
And then he saw it, a tiny spark of white light in the middle of the blackness. It pulsed weakly, struggling to live. Without conscious thought he reached out for the spark and to his amazement he changed course to intercept it. The spark flickered badly, and Prime thought he knew that it was dying.   
He touched it.   
Sensation and awareness came back to him so fast that it was a real shock. His nerves flared with pain, agonizing white-hot pain that seemed to go on and on.

He flinched as those memories came back with a force that threatened to engulf him wholly. The events on Mernan were still a too vivid memory to really face it. It came back every time he was not busy with something else, like now, when everything was quiet.   
Why was he so emotionally involved in this? He had been through worse, had died twice in his long life. He had been reconstructed as a mindless creature, programmed to destroy the Autobots and he had suffered through that programming while it had threatened to wipe out his memory core. But all this had left nothing but a bad taste, had turned into yet another unpleasantry happening to him. Why was he now flashing back to the time on Mernan?   
With a sigh he turned away from the window and tried to concentrate on his work, but he found he was unable to. He needed to get those memories out of his mind, he needed to talk with someone about it. But not now. Maybe later.

* * *

Rodimus sat on a little wall, looking over the silent landing pads in front of him. There was only one shuttle standing there, powered down and waiting for another run to some planet or other. Everything was quiet in this part of the South Port of Cybertron, but it wouldn't stay that way. Tomorrow they were expecting a delegation of diplomats for a short visit to the former factory planet, the home of the Transformers. Optimus Prime had called Rodimus to Cybertron for this, asking him for assistance with the men and women coming here. It would be rather hectic throughout the next days and Rodimus wasn't really looking forward to it.   
"The silence before the storm."   
Rodimus looked up and discovered Midnight standing beside him. The infinitely black form of the Sentinel leader was a chilling sight if you didn't know him.   
"Yeah," he muttered.   
"What are you doing here, Rodimus?" Midnight wanted to know, sitting down beside him.   
"Thinking."   
"Uh-huh. Mind if I ask what about?"   
"This and that."   
Midnight was silent for a minute, then asked, "About Silhouette, maybe?"   
Rodimus' head whipped around and he stared at his friend. Midnight smiled.   
"It's kinda obvious," the Sentinel added.   
"It is?" he asked, horrified.   
If he had expected such a statement from anyone it would have been his Interface partner, Shanygn. But since she was busy hanging out with Chip, working on their project concerning the Autobot Matrix of Leadership, she wasn't here. Thank Primus for small miracles, he thought with relief. Shanygn could be a pain in the circuits when she was set on a particular fascinating piece of gossip about her partner. And she had been hinting toward a relationship between Sil and Rodimus for some time. The Autobots' second was just glad she was busy otherwise.   
"Oh, come one, Roddy!" Midnight exclaimed. "We both know that you like her, so what is the problem? I saw Sil after the exercise. She brushed through the room like an angry whirlwind. Grimlock is a bit puzzled by her behavior... what happened?"   
Oh, no, not Grimlock! The Dinobot leader was overly protective toward his new sister and he had warned every Autobot off, like a true big brother. Well, in Roddy's case he seemed to have no objections. He had yet to approach him. Rodimus turned away and sighed softly. "Nothing."   
And that was apparently the problem. Sil had made it clear that she cared for him and he had done nothing. The way he had reacted it was like telling her he didn't care at all. But he did!   
I'm such an idiot! he scolded himself.   
"I see," the Sentinel muttered. "What is the real problem here? Can't be that you don't find her attractive...."   
Rodimus' optics narrowed as he looked at the Sentinel again. "What are you? My personal shrink?" he asked angrily.   
Midnight shrugged, letting the anger breeze past him. "Why not? It's not as if we hadn't had such talks before."   
That was true. They had talked about a lot of personal stuff in the past and Rodimus trusted the Sentinel not to blab it to everyone. They had met shortly after Hot Rod had become Rodimus Prime and throughout their meetings they had gotten to know each other quite well.   
"She's ... just different," he then muttered.   
"And that's bad?"   
"No."   
"But?"   
Yes, but what? Rodimus thought. Sil was, in effect, a humanoid, though she had a robotic body. Her mind was not that of an Autobot and might never be one, but that was no obstacle, was it? She approached a lot of things differently, which gave her an exotic flavor, especially when you also took into account that she was a Dinobot. She was a beautiful addition to a normally routine day everyday and he liked to be around her. He just wasn't sure about his feelings.   
Rodimus had had female relationships before. Arcee and Hot Rod had been involved, but when he had become Rodimus Prime the relationship had dwindled into a good friendship. Arcee was now involved with Springer, and he .... well, he was not sure.   
He sighed explosively. "I'm not sure, Mid, I'm really not sure. It's like we're from two different worlds! I'm not even sure what she expects."   
"If you don't ask her you might never find out," the Sentinel said. "And I don't think her difference is really that big. Or does she frighten you?"   
Midnight looked intensely at his friend and Rodimus frowned. In a way, yes, her difference frightened him.   
"A bit."   
Midnight cocked his head. "Then you have to work at getting to know her better. Like you worked at getting to know us Sentinels. I frightened you too, but you accepted me as what I am." He held up both hands with a grin. "Though I won't say our relationship approaches anything like what you two are trying to approach."   
"Get out of here!" Rodimus growled and took a mock swing at the other robot.   
Midnight chuckled and walked away.   
Rodimus went back to watching the silent landing field. Midnight was right. He and Sil had to get to know each other better. He didn't know what she expected of him and he wasn't sure what he really wanted. The Autobot sighed and rose, walking back to the conference center. Optimus Prime had announced that he and Rodimus needed to go over a few more things before the delegation arrived. Primus, how he hated this bureaucratic stuff!

* * *

Silhouette had returned this morning, early enough to be home before anyone got out of the recharging chamber or would miss her when she didn't emerge from her room. She felt a bit calmer now, but was unsettled by the events. Why was she having nightmares? Why now? She had been in this body for nearly half an Earth year by now, enjoying the strong feel, the ability to transform, her keen senses; everything. Why suddenly recall what had led to her death?   
She nearly ran over the slim blonde human as she walked down the corridor. Carly Witwicky looked up and smiled.   
"Hi, Sil."   
"Hi," she answered. "How are you?"   
"Considering that I'm close to giving birth to a real dancer I'm fine," she answered with a laugh. "She's kicking even harder than Daniel in his last months."   
Silhouette looked at the pregnant human and something like jealousy rose inside of her. But why? She didn't have too many memories of her personal human life left; all she had were memories of teachings, sayings, general emotions and behavior. And she had herself. And her very self was sometimes wondering if she belonged inside this artificial body. She had told Optimus Prime once that she didn't regret being reborn into an Autobot body and it was the truth. But sometimes she missed the little things, like understanding another's reaction to her approaches. She liked Rodimus a lot; she felt drawn to him, to his personality and his self. As a humanoid she would have thought long and hard about it, mainly because a relationship between humanoids ran a different path. As a robot she had learned to look for more than physical things.   
"Shouldn't you be back on Earth in case of an emergency?" Sil asked finally, accompanying Carly to wherever she was going.   
Carly chuckled. "Yes, somehow you are right and I'm planning to take the next shuttle home. Spike's coming back from another visit to Nebulos tomorrow and then we'll both leave. I guess he's even more nervous than I am. How are you doing?"   
Silhouette shrugged. "I'm not sure."   
"Rodimus?" the human asked.   
Sil was always surprised how easy Carly had been able to read her in the past few months. Was it so obvious that she was interested in a closer relationship?   
"In a way. I think I still have to learn a lot about Cybertronians. I mean, if I look at you and Spike I know this is how my own kind would respond to this situation, but .... that's not how it works with Autobots." She shrugged. "I think I've made a big mistake."   
"In what way?" Carly wanted to know, resting on a bench set up to overlook a particular nice view of the South continent.   
"I assumed that what I felt was reflected in Rodimus. I was wrong, as it seems. I interpreted it in a way I would judge human behavior, Carly. It's not the way to do it." The female Dinobot looked ashamed. "I feel like a fool."   
Carly touched her am. "How do you know you're looking at this the wrong way? What if Roddy is just plain scared?"   
Sil looked a bit puzzled.   
"You see, men react a bit strange when women take over the leading part in a relationship. I mean, I asked Spike for a first date and he went as red as a tomato." Carly chuckled at that memory.   
"But Rodimus is not human!" Sil reminded her.   
"But he has emotions similar to us humanoids, Sil. Cybertronians are different, yes, but they are also quite similar in many things." Carly looked thoughtfully at her. "Maybe he is not sure whether he can react to you like he would react to another Autobot. You are humanoid in many ways after all. Maybe he's as confused as you are."   
"Maybe," the Dinobot conceded, her optics not meeting Carly's eyes.   
Carly Witwicky frowned as she saw the troubled expression, the haunted look, on Silhouette's features. "You were having those nightmares again, right?"   
The two females had spent a lot of time together, getting to know each other, especially since Carly was one of Sil's creators. One day Silhouette had confessed to her nightmares, but at that time it had been nothing near as bad as last night.   
"Yes," she answered softly. "But this time it was worse. This time I was .... there. I was real. At least I felt real. Carly, I don't know what's going on with me!"   
"Stress related, post traumatic experience," Carly said slowly. "I think that through your emotional state concerning Roddy you're vulnerable enough for the nightmares to come back in strength."   
"But what can I do?" Sil asked desperately.   
"Short of erasing that part of your memory circuits I have no idea, honestly. I wouldn't recommend it."   
The Dinobot shook her head. "And I wouldn't want it." She rose from her sitting position. "I think I should go back. The delegates are arriving today and I'm part of the reception committee."   
Carly smiled wryly. "Have fun, Sil. Luckily I have an excuse to stay away." She touched her womb.   
Silhouette chuckled. "Well, I guess I can't use that as an excuse for me." With that she walked back to the complex.   
Carly watched her go, then sighed softly. She knew Silhouette was coping exceedingly well with her rebirth, he new life, her different body. But a part of her, her mind, her fragmented memory of her home, was still humanoid in origin and that humanoid part was now troubling her with nightmares. Those nightmares were normal because what she had gone through would give everyone nightmares. But how could you explain that to her when she had had only a few bad memories in the last few months? Carly frowned. Maybe she should finally talk to Optimus Prime. Really talk, not just mention a topic and then let it drop after a few meaningless sentences. Both of them had experienced a nightmarish situation and Carly wouldn't feel surprise if she ever learned that Optimus was having the same trouble.   
She rose from the bench with some difficulty and walked slowly back to the complex as well. Silhouette also needed to talk to Rodimus, and vice  versa. Carly had noticed that Rodimus was attracted to the female Dinobot, but he didn't know how to handle it. For him, she was a newborn, someone who had yet to learn enough about the Autobots to understand them. He didn't want to use her ... naiveté, her innocence, Carly guessed. That would be just like him. Well, she had to wait and see what happened. Hopefully they would resolve their problems soon.

* * *

The delegation arrived on Cybertron right on time and Rodimus managed to live through the whole reception and the exchange of pleasantries. Optimus shot his young second an amused look as he watched him help some of the delegates to find their quarters on the supplied maps. When the last of them had disappeared down the corridor, accompanied by their guides, Rodimus turned with a deep sigh.   
"Whatever bit us to agree to this?" he asked.   
Optimus chuckled. "Treaties? Good relationships with the delegates' home planets and countries?"   
Rodimus smiled wryly. "I knew it was something like this." He followed his leader through the corridor into the complex which would house the upcoming conferences and talks.   
"Luckily enough we have a whole Cybertron day to get some rest and meditate," Optimus remarked dryly, his optics glittering suspiciously, "until we are confronted with a whole flock of delegates out for a good treaty."   
"Meditate?" Rodimus laughed. "Yeah, right. That's just what I had in mind. Well, honestly, I was more thinking of racing a bit to get rid of excessive energy."   
Optimus smiled. "Just don't roll over one of the delegates in the process."   
Rodimus Prime chuckled and the two of them went their separate ways, each one left to their own thoughts. Rodimus' thoughts went first to the upcoming meetings, then to a subject he hadn't dared to approach since the day before: Silhouette. The Dinobot had been present throughout the reception and had accompanied several of the humans to their quarters. She had been unusually serene, never looking his way, simply concentrating on her task. He wondered if he had hurt her feelings somehow. She was human after all, exterior appearances aside. Then again, she wasn't an Earth human and her race might have different emotional reactions to what had happened.   
Sighing he entered the complex. He had to talk to Sil to clear things up.   
Rodimus found her, after a fruitless search in the living complex, with the other Dinobots. She was in her raptor mode, playfully attacking Snarl, who countered her attacks with his usual methods: don't move too much. Let the other one spend his energy by trying to get close enough without getting blasted. As he watched her, noting again how gracefully she moved, he also saw that she appeared somewhat tired, like she had yet to recharge again.   
"Rodimus, we talk."   
He looked up and saw Grimlock approaching him in his robot mode. His blue visor plate shone with suppressed worry and that made Rodimus worry immediately as well. Grimlock mostly showed a boisterous outside, ready to tackle everything in sight as long as it proved he was the strongest Dinobot, but Rodimus had also noted that sometimes, very rarely though, Grimlock showed his much calmer side. The side that made him suspect that the boisterous side was a cover.   
"Sure. What about?" he asked, following Grimlock to a more secluded part, which still overlooked the small square the Dinobots had chosen to play in.   
"Silhouette. She troubled. Not talk to Grimlock or other Dinobots about it." Grimlock's worry now shone in his tone. "She not recharge long enough anymore."   
Rodimus frowned. "Why?"   
"Me not know. She not talk to anyone."   
"And you want me to talk to her? What makes you think she'll tell me?" Especially after the more than catastrophic outcome of the training exercise.   
"She like you, Rodimus," Grimlock said a with a bit of amusement.   
"Yeah, well, okay, she does," Rodimus conceded, feeling a bit stupid and embarrassed. "How long do you think she hasn't recharged?"   
"Last three days maybe. Could be longer, though. She due to recharge few days ago. Was on Earth." Grimlock watched his sister transform and leave the playground. "Grimlock know she not like other Dinobots or even Autobots, but she need recharge."   
Rodimus could only agree. An Autobot could run on minimum energy if he needed to, but it wasn't healthy. Going without recharge for a long time was like going without several nights of sleep for a human. The longer you were without sleep, the testier you grew, the more likely you were to break down. Why wasn't she recharging?   
"I'll go and talk to her," he finally decided. Maybe we can clear up a few more things than just a lack of recharge.   
He walked away from the square, taking the route Sil had taken.

* * *

Silhouette was tired and exhausted, as she always was after a game with her brothers. Only this time her exhaustion also spread through her mind, not just her body. Normally she bounced back from a game with ease after a short resting period, but this time her body and mind were tired beyond any former experience. She felt the effects of being without a proper recharge for so long. She had recharged, at least had tried, but her nightmares overwhelmed her in her dream world. She always woke in sheer terror, her body trembling, her mind a mess. She then couldn't go back to sleep, couldn't relax enough to let the recharge chamber work on her exhausted body.   
She had thought that being with her brothers might calm her a bit, but it hadn't. Sil was as nervous and jumpy as before. She was glad she had been able to stay so calm and centered throughout the reception, but it had taken a lot of concentration and self-control not to snap at several particularly obnoxious delegates. Now all she wanted was to be alone again, to work through her nightmares.   
"Sil?"   
With a silent groan she recognized Roddy's voice. Why did he have to follow her? She didn't want to face him, not now! Anger swelled up inside of her. How could he follow her?! Why couldn't he just leave her alone! Wasn't it enough that she had made a fool out of herself a few days ago?   
"Sil, can we talk?" he asked.   
"I don't know what about," she heard herself snap.   
The rational side of her mind told her this was due to lack of recharge and the mess her emotions and her mind were in. She tried to gain control of herself again, but found that she was too close to snapping now, her control a tight rope ready to break. Go away! she screamed.   
"I think we have a lot to talk about, but foremost I guess we should talk about your condition."   
She turned to look at him, forcefully suppressing the incredible urge to snarl at him. Rodimus looked genuinely worried. She remembered Grimlock's expression, how he, too, was most certainly aware that she had not recharged lately, that she was having some kind of trouble or other which she wasn't talking about.   
"My condition is none of your concern." She tried to walk past him, but Rodimus held her back, his hand closing around her upper arm.   
"Sil ...." he began.   
"Let go of me," she said coldly.   
"Sil, we are worried...."   
"I said: Let. Go. Of. Me." Her eyes flashed and she saw how shocked he was at her coldness, her suddenly emotionless voice.   
"What is wrong with you?" Rodimus wanted to know.   
His hand was still around her arm; he was still holding her.   
The rope snapped.   
Silhouette's free hand flashed up, her sharp claws extending. She caught the Autobot on the shoulder, her claws biting into his skin. Rodimus staggered away from her with a sheer look of utter horror and disbelief in his eyes.   
"Sil....!" he began, but Silhouette didn't give him any chance to finish.   
She transformed, her stiff raptor tail catching him again, sending him stumbling to the ground. She pounced, her jaws wide open. Rodimus raised one arm in self-defense and her teeth sank into his left forearm. His lips were pressed into a tight line as he reached for his gun and then smashed it against her head. She growled, not the least bit impressed by it, her teeth sinking deeper into his arm. Rodimus gave a groan of pain.   
Suddenly Silhouette let go, her blue eyes reflecting confusion. She staggered away from him, transforming back and sinking to her knees.   
"No!" she moaned. "What am I doing?"   
Rodimus got to his feet, ignoring his injuries, which were minor enough. He approached her carefully. "Silhouette?"   
She gave a sob, though she was unable to cry. Robots had no tears. "What is happening?" she asked. "What am I doing?"   
He sank down beside her, laying an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. She grew limp, though she was still shaking badly. Rodimus opened his com line and called for help.

*

"Post-traumatic reaction. I knew it was to happen sooner or later. I'm just surprised it didn't happen right after she passed from the memory cube into her new body." Perceptor looked at his patient, who was restrained by bonds holding her wrists and ankles, as well as her mid section. Silhouette moved restlessly, her optics dark, telling him she had shut down her conscious mind. "Her subconsciousness is at work here, Rodimus."   
Rodimus Prime stood beside the examination table Sil lay on, his face one big worried frown.   
"She's having nightmares," Carly spoke up. She had come to the lab as fast as possible when she had heard about what had happened.   
"Nightmares?" Rodimus asked, confused.   
"She told me about it some time ago, but it was never anything to worry about. I'd say they were bad dreams, nothing more. But lately she was having real nightmares, reliving what happened on Mernan in all details." The blonde woman looked troubled. "I told her she needed to talk with Optimus about it, that the two needed to get it out of their systems, but apparently Optimus wasn't' ready to open up enough to confess he was having trouble as well."   
Rodimus nodded slowly. He had noticed on several occasions that Optimus was indeed having a problem, but that he also didn't want to talk about it. Sil had tried several times to get him to talk, but to no avail. He was shutting everyone out, trying to deal with it alone. So Sil had tried the same and it had ended in a near catastrophe.   
He rubbed his arm, which had been given some first aid. He knew he had to get it properly repaired, but right now he was more worried about Sil than a minor wound. He carefully took her hand, which curled around his with a desperation as if she needed someone to anchor her in the real world.   
"How can we help her?" he asked.   
Perceptor frowned. "Well, I can deal with the low energon level in her body by keeping her under as long as it takes to recharge her to an acceptable level, but I can't take away her nightmares. That is a matter of the mind and her mind is humanoid in origin." The scientist looked down at Carly for help.   
"I don't think we can relieve her of her nightmares alone," Carly said slowly. "She is relieving something we can't comprehend. I think she is dying again and again in her nightmares, again and again Interfacing with Optimus Prime. And that is our key. Optimus is the only one who has a remote idea of what she is going through."   
Rodimus nodded. "So we need to get them together."   
"Exactly," Carly answered. "If we connect their minds they won't have any chance to escape the confrontation by leaving the room or some idiot excuse or other. They need to talk!"   
Rodimus' face suddenly had a very determined expression. "I think I'll need to talk to my boss," he muttered and then left the sickbay.

*

Optimus Prime was in his office, like most of the time when he wasn't out coordinating this or that, or greeting delegates. Rodimus didn't even take the time to knock, he simply walked in. Prime looked up with a surprised expression on his features.   
"We have to talk," Rodimus said without preamble.   
Optimus frowned a bit, then nodded. "What about?"   
"Silhouette."   
"Is something wrong?"   
Rodimus kept forcibly calm. "Yes. She's having nightmares." Was it his imagination or was there a slight flicker of .... yes, of what ... in Prime's eyes? "She hasn't recharged because of those nightmares and she had a break down several hours ago."   
Optimus eyes flickered over the still visible injuries of his second-in-command. Rodimus saw the realization in his optics as to what 'break down' meant.   
"Is she okay?"   
"No. Perceptor says he can recharge her by keeping her from waking up, but her mind won't just quit assaulting her consciousness with a nightmare she's been having for the last couple of weeks, as it seems."   
Prime folded his hands on his desk and looked at his second-in-command. "Then what can we do?"   
"We can do nothing," Rodimus explained, "but you can."   
Optimus gave him a startled look. "I?"   
Rodimus felt like shaking his leader, who was making this even harder than it already was for him. "Yes, you. Silhouette once told me that she tried to talk to you. Oh, she didn't say it directly," he added as he saw Prime's reaction to that revelation, "but she told me enough to suspect that the two of you never really got down to talk openly about the Mernan experience. You are shutting her out, denying her a chance to come to terms with her new life!"   
It sounded like an accusation and, thinking about it, Rodimus knew it was one.   
"I never shut her out, Rodimus," Optimus answered calmly. "And Sil told me she was getting used to her new body and that she didn't regret her rebirth."   
"That's what she told you, yes. But what does her subconsciousness make out of this? She was a humanoid in her life, now she's a robot! Nobody can cope with that change without some reaction to it! Well, she reacted to it, though later than we thought! And she remembers her death all too vividly! Optimus, I know she appears like a strong personality, which she is, but right now she's trying to cope with nightmares she should talk about!"   
"I don't think I am the right person to do it," the Autobot leader contradicted.   
"The hell you are!" Rodimus exploded. "You were there with her! You were Interfaced! And don't even try to tell me that you felt nothing at all! I know what Interfacing means, even it was just for a brief time! Braintrust's mad experiment might not have worked to his satisfaction, but it joined you and Sil, and you touched her as she touched you! You felt her die inside you and you saved her! She became a program."   
Optimus abruptly rose from his chair and walked over to the window, his favorite spot lately. Rodimus watched him, his anger subsiding a bit. He shook his head. "Sorry for yelling at you," he muttered.   
"No, you are right, my friend," the older Autobot answered slowly. "I've been trying to suppress what happened instead of dealing with it. I think I made a mistake. I've been trying to deal with this myself. I didn't think that Sil and I were that close.... that involved."   
Rodimus smiled wryly. "It's hard not to get involved, Optimus," he said slowly.   
Prime turned and regarded his second-in-command solemnly. "What does Perceptor think I should do? I know Silhouette didn't approach me lately because of what happened on Mernan and the times before, when we talked, she never mentioned anything about nightmares."   
"Well, Perceptor believes that if he can join you and Sil in a neutral environment, you can both work it out." Rodimus rose from his chair. "He wants to connect both of your minds."   
A slightly frightened expression crossed Optimus' optics. "Join our minds?" he echoed.   
Rodimus sighed softly. "Just for a talk, Optimus. She won't have any access to parts that are of no concern to her and which you don't allow her to enter. All you will confront are her nightmares .... and she will confront yours."   
It was a shot into the dark, but Rodimus saw he had hit something. Optimus nodded slowly.   
"What about the conference?"   
"Ultra Magnus can handle it. Hound came in with the last shuttle from Earth and is already working with some of the delegates. Midnight has volunteered as well. It's not like we have some kind of festivity here that requires you holding a speech, you know. And if there's one catastrophe or other throughout the first few rounds of talks, I think I can handle it." Rodimus smiled. "Trust me."   
Prime nodded slowly, then he straightened his shoulders and left the office. Rodimus followed him, cheering slightly at his victory. But he knew that the hard part was only now beginning.

*

She was once again back on the street to her home, a two-story stone building with a gravel road leading to it. A lot of trees and other plant life was around it, giving it a cozy, secluded atmosphere. She remembered that she had bought the house several years ago as a kind of refugee from the bustling city life. She liked the city, but she still preferred the quiet she had found here to work.   
As she approached her home she heard a noise and her mind told her to run. It was coming for her, closing in on her, ready to kidnap her. But she couldn't run. Like in slow motion she turned and was faced with a gigantic robot, colored in white and light blue. The robot hit her with something, freezing her muscles. She could only stare at her kidnapper, who took her, then transformed and flew off. She wanted to scream, but it was impossible. Her mind seemed to contract into a black tunnel, pulling her into it like a magnet. Then there was nothing any more.

*

Optimus Prime watched the nearly still form of Silhouette with compassionate eyes. Now and then her hands twitched or she'd move her head. Her optics flickered momentarily, as if she was trying to get back from her nightmares, but she couldn't. Perceptor didn't allow her conscious mind to take over. Rodimus Prime stood beside her, taking one of her hands and she responded with curling her fingers around his, but else there was no reaction.   
"I think she is partly aware of the real world, but her nightmares are stronger," Perceptor explained.   
"What will happen when our minds are joined?" Optimus asked.   
"You will be able to see what she sees and you can help her either confront it or defeat it."   
Optimus nodded slowly. "All right. Do it."   
He walked over to the second table in the room and lay down. Perceptor attached several electrodes to his head, then connected him to Sil's mind. Optimus didn't feel anything when the transfer began. He was merely changing his place from lying on a table to standing in a grey nothingness. He looked around, trying to find out where exactly he was, when the scenery changed, became a prison block. He saw a long corridor with cells lining it. Only one was activated and he approached it. Inside the cell he saw a humanoid female. She sat on the floor, legs drawn to her chest, her large eyes staring at nothing specific. She had long, straight, slate gray hair and her light brown skin held darker patterns and swirls in three colors of brown. Her eyes were dark and larger than a human's eye. The woman just sat there, saying nothing. Optimus tried to talk to her, but she didn't react to his voice.   
Suddenly someone entered the cellblock and Optimus moved out of the way of the Seeker he recognized as Tornado. The woman was put into a contraption looking like a cylinder and carried away. Prime tried to stop the Seeker, but his hands passed through him like he was not real.   
And then his world changed yet again. This time he was back in the lab he hated to much. He was once again strung up on an examination table and once again looked at the female humanoid he was supposed to Interface with. It was the woman from the cell, appearing unconscious, unresponsive. Braintrust sneered down on him and then activated the machine he thought would accomplish the Interface between the two life forms.   
The woman woke, her frightened eyes drawn to Optimus Prime.   
"No," she moaned.   
And then they Interfaced.   
Optimus Prime screamed, a scream relaying a pain and a desperation that wasn't only his, but was shared with the woman. Emotions washed through him, closely followed by an intense sensation he had never felt before. Then he fell unconscious.   
Then again, he didn't.   
He was jerked out of the lab and thrown into a world he had visited before, his mind. He was floating, like the last time, but this time he had control over where he was going. And for the first time he saw the watcher he had always felt was with him.

*

Silhouette was no longer aware of the real world. All her mind was capable of receiving was the dream state. She somehow knew that she was present in the real world, that someone was there, holding her, giving her a way to anchor herself, but she couldn't respond properly. She was much more present in this dream world, floating.   
Her subconsciousness flashed back to the kidnapping, then to her imprisonment, then the Interface. She was violently forced out of her body, feeling the pain and the emotional upheaval. Once again she tried to fight against it; once again she lost. And then she became aware that she was not alone that someone was there. She tried to reach the other entity, knowing that they needed each other to survive, but even though she stretched and strained, she couldn't touch him. He floated by, equally reaching out for her.   
She gave a cry of desperation.   
And the world around her changed yet again.   
She was walking now. Everything around her was dark, but not too dark to see. The darkness was there, but not really there after all. Now and then blue lightning flashed in the distance and somehow she felt drawn to it.   
Now, that she had been through this once, she realized that this was the wound the Matrix had left when torn out of Optimus Prime's chest. She knew she was inside his mind, which was trying to cope with the emotional pain of the Interface and the very real pain of his injuries. The Matrix energy was dispersing into nothingness, like blood flowing from a wound.   
She looked around to try and find him, finally discovering the faint outline of a figure standing not far away.   
"Optimus Prime!" she breathed and he looked up.   
His face held no distinguishable features and his body appeared human, but his blue eyes burned with all the pain he felt.   
"Silhouette," he answered,   
She walked toward him, suddenly aware she was crossing from one region into another. The ground became softer, the light more blue than grey. As she touched his hand she felt like she was drawn into a whirlpool, and she didn't resist. His mind opened up before her and in return she allowed him to enter hers, letting him witness her nightmarish recollection of the events from so long ago. She saw flashes of his own life, of his life as Orion Pax, how he had been killed by Megatron and recreated into Optimus Prime by Alpha Trion. How he had lost his friends through his lonely position as a commander, how his followers saw in him a living legend. Nine million years, a voice whispered. Alone for nine million years. Separated from the one female he felt close to, Ariel. Ariel, who had also been recreated into a new warrior, Aleta One. She witnessed their brief encounter after such a long time. She felt with him as he had to go back, alone again, fighting a war that had been going on and on for such a long time now, that its beginning was starting to blur into a vague memory.   
Optimus Prime saw her own life, her humanoid life, how she grew up and married, how her partner died after a short time together from a disease which no medic was able to cure, how she launched herself into her work as a historian at the Academy, how she lived her life again. And then came the kidnapping, the horror of being paralyzed, being experimented on, being subjected to a soul transfer. How she encountered an alien mind and nearly perished in it.   
And as she felt herself heal, she also saw his mind accept what had happened.

*

Rodimus had been with Silhouette for over six hours now. No one had dared to disturb him and no one had asked where he was. The conferences had started and were running smoothly, with Ultra Magnus and Hound managing the time tables, Kup arranging security and a lot of other Autobots lending a helping hand here or there. He was thankful for it. The last thing he needed was some petty quarrel between two delegates.   
The door to the sickbay opened and he looked up, discovering, to his surprise, Grimlock entering. The large Dinobot was in his robot mode, walking over to the bed Silhouette lay on. He regarded her still form.   
"She getting better?" he asked.   
Rodimus sighed and stretched slightly, feeling the long hours of not moving too much. "Perceptor said that the two of them are apparently working it out. Her brain activities have returned to normal."   
"Why she not tell anyone about nightmares?"   
"Well, she told Carly," Rodimus said slowly.   
"But she not tell other Dinobots. She not tell Autobots. She shut others out." Grimlock sounded slightly hurt by the fact that she hadn't come to him for help -- or anyone else.   
"I think she was too confused about her reaction, this delayed reaction, to the events, Grimlock. Humans are prone to try and work through bad experiences on their own."   
Grimlock harrumphed and looked at Rodimus with an amused flicker of his optics. "Not only humans, Rodimus Prime."   
Touché. Rodimus smiled a bit, then looked at Sil again. "I guess she didn't want anyone to know she was having this much trouble all of a sudden. She is special after all, being a humanoid mind in a robotic body. Maybe she was afraid of what we would think of her."   
Grimlock gave a low rumble of displeasure. "She know Dinobots accepted her as new Dinobot. She no different from us. She good friend and sister." His large hand touched hers. "She know."   
Rodimus nodded. Of course she knew, but she was also aware she was still different. And the way he had reacted to several of her ... well, approaches had only added to this. He had been so stupid! He could kick himself for not seeing this any sooner. Well, he hoped he could make this up to her in the near future -- if she gave him a chance.

* * *

Optimus came around slowly, reluctantly, leaving the dream world behind. And Silhouette. Finally he understood what had happened to her. Her personality had been nearly erased, she had forgotten most about her past, her life, her identity. She had been no one when she had awakened in her robot body, faintly aware that she was not an ordinary Autobot. She had chosen the name Silhouette maybe as a reference to her state. She was a shadow of her former self, and even though she had told him that she liked her new life, had accepted it, her subconsciousness had still tried to piece together a life that was gone, dead. And finally the nightmares had surfaced, confronting her with this unresolved part of her former existence.   
And Prime himself had finally found his own peace. Even though Silhouette had given him a kind of absolution when they had talked briefly, when she had told him she didn't blame him for her death, he had continued to think about the events. Maybe something could have been changed. Maybe if he had touched her soul sooner, if he hadn't shied away, if he ... if ... if... if. All those possibilities, but none of them were real. It had happened, it was a part of the past, which could not be changed.   
When they had merged, Optimus had finally seen that there was nothing else he could have done. He had helped her survive, just like she had held him back from crossing the line between life and death.

A bright, blue flash raced out of the hole and he groaned, collapsing to the ground.   
"What's wrong?" the silhouette of the stranger who had always been around him in one way or another asked, clearly worried.   
He looked at her, his eyes wide with pain. "Help me!" he whispered.   
"How?"   
He groaned again, curling into a fetal position. "Stop the pain!" he begged.   
She stared helplessly at him, then her hand touched his shoulder. He felt her own emotions, her desire to help him, her need to be helped.

Yes, they had touched each other in different ways and he cursed himself for not realizing sooner that this might one day flood back on both of them. The subconsciousness couldn't be cheated. It worked continually, trying to make sense of what happened.   
He straightened and looked over to the other table in the room. Silhouette still lay on it, but no longer held down by bonds.   
"How do you feel?" Perceptor asked.   
"I'm all right." He smiled a bit. "Really all right. How is she?"   
"She's already coming around," the scientist answered. "She should be completely awake in a few more minutes."   
Optimus walked over to the other table and saw how the blue optics of the female Dinobot lit up as she regained full consciousness. She turned her head and smiled as she discovered him.   
"Hi," she said softly.   
He helped her sit up. "Hi," he answered. "How are you?"   
She touched her head as if to make sure it was still there. "Much better." Her optics met his. "Thank you. And you?"   
"I think I'm starting to understand now," he confessed softly. "I think it's over."

"It's over," the reassuring voice, which had been with him for some time now, said.   
"What?" he asked.   
"The battle."   
"How do you know?"   
"I am with you, but I am also with the part that is not yet with you again."

She regarded him solemnly for a long time, then nodded. "Yes. Thank you for being there."   
"And thank you for being there as well. I think we both had wounds to heal, which we didn't know were still that painfully open," Optimus replied softly.   
Silhouette nodded again. "I wish it hadn't taken me that long to realize I couldn't deal with that myself. I hurt a lot of people with my behavior." She slid off the table and sighed. "I guess I've some explaining to do," she muttered. "I hurt someone I didn't want to hurt -- ever."   
Optimus remembered the puncture wounds and the cuts Rodimus had had when he had come into Prime's office. So his suspicion had been correct. Silhouette had attacked him.   
"I think he understands more than you think," he said softly.   
Sil looked up.   
"He came into my office, ready to drag me into sickbay if I didn't cooperate voluntarily," the Autobot leader said with some amusement in his voice. "He knew you were not yourself when you broke down."   
She sighed, nodding. "That was quite obvious, wasn't it?" she grinned wryly. "Even if he understands, there's more we need to clear between us."   
As she left the sickbay, Optimus allowed himself a smile, recalling one particular memory he had glimpsed inside her mind from not too long ago.

*

Silhouette was already eagerly awaited by her brothers when she left the complex. Swoop gave a cry of joy and passed closely overhead, performing a few loops.   
"Sil back!" Slag said, smiling at his smaller sister.   
"She never gone," Snarl rumbled. "She just sick."   
"Sick no longer," Sludge told the others. "You better, right?" he asked Silhouette.   
"I'm fine, guys. Thanks for asking."   
"Told you," Sludge said to Slag.   
"Me Slag knew she get better soon."   
Sludge transformed and took a playful bite at his fellow Dinobot and Slag responded in turn. Silhouette chuckled at the display of fighting power. If they weren't playing, they were fighting among themselves.   
A hand fell on her shoulder and she turned.   
"Me Grimlock glad you back as well," the Dinobot leader said, his unreadable face plate an open book for her. He was genuinely relieved she was better.   
"Yeah, I'm glad, too." She watched the others for some time, then turned to Grimlock again. "Listen I've to talk to someone. I'll be back soon and then we might want to work on my stealth attack technique." She grimaced. "I still don't have it down all too well."   
Grimlock's visor flashed with a smile. "You good stealth attacker."   
"Yeah, but good is not enough when push comes to shove out in the field."   
The Dinobot leader nodded. "Okay. Grimlock and other Dinobots teach Silhouette more about fighting."   
"Thanks." With that she was off to meet someone she badly needed to talk to.

*

Rodimus had left the sickbay when it was clear that both, Silhouette and Optimus Prime, were on their way back to consciousness. He didn't want to be there when they both woke because he was sure they had a lot to talk about. So he had launched himself into work, going through the first reports about the conference, noting that there were just a few minor incidences, if you didn't count the fact that one of the delegates had arrived without his aid. Fireflight, who had been checking the IDs of the delegates and their aids, swore he had checked the woman in, but she couldn't be found. Rodimus frowned a bit, then decided to look into this strange disappearance act himself. If the woman was here, she might have gotten lost. It was easy for a human to loose himself between the large structures. But then, why had she, instead of going to her room, wandered off?   
Someone approached him and he looked up. It was Silhouette. She walked almost noiselessly through the room which was Rodimus' temporary office. Her movements were powerful and lithe, like that of a predator. She approached him slowly.   
"Roddy...... I want to talk to you."   
"Uh, sure," he answered, closing down the file he had been reading and rising from his chair. "How about we take a walk?"   
They left the complex and walked silently for some time. Finally Rodimus stopped at what was the same look-out point Silhouette and Carly had talked some days ago. For Silhouette it felt like ages.   
"Roddy, I'm sorry about what   
 happened," Silhouette began. "I should have talked to someone, but.... I was afraid of what I might find. It's not like I despise this body, but the first fascination with my new life turned into realization what it meant. I realized that I had not yet come to terms with all of it." She looked away. "I'm sorry that I hurt you."   
Rodimus touched her arm. "It's okay, Sil," he said softly. "It wasn't you hurting me. It was your fear. I just wish you would have talked to me or Grimlock, instead of shutting us out. We all care for you, you know."   
She met his eyes and smiled. Rodimus suddenly felt a bit uneasy. It was like she was looking right through him, into his soul. "Thank you," she said softly.   
Rodimus felt something strange course through him, making him feel like he had an energon high, like he had overloaded his circuits.   
"Ah, well, uh," he stammered. "I ... Sil, listen, about what happened in the training room....."   
"Yes?"   
"You see, I.... I didn't mean it the way it might have sounded ... I was just ... uh, surprised.... you see, it's happening too fast and ...."   
She smiled again and this time it was full of understanding. "I know, Roddy," she answered softly. "I was acting human in my approach and for that I feel sorry."   
"No, no, please! You don't have to apologize for what you are!" he protested. "I mean, I like you the way you are ...."   
Okay, so now it was out in the open and he cringed inwardly, waiting for her reaction.   
Silhouette touched the Autobot symbol on his chest and it sent an electric shiver through him. "And I like you the way you are. Let's start this again, okay?"   
He nodded and when nothing else happened for a long second, Silhouette took the initiative. She embraced him. For a shocked second Rodimus did nothing, then hugged her in return, and both of them simply stood there. Rodimus knew that their relationship had just taken a new turn and no one knew where it was going or what it might bring. Silhouette was still very different from every other female Autobot he knew and her humanoid heritage would always bring up new sides, unexpected sides. Well, he was ready to be surprised.


End file.
